Sunday, March 31, 2013

Luna Beads Teaser

I had so much fun putting together my little teaser video for the Ina 2 (not to mention the inspiration and motivation to actually finish up the review), that I decided to do another one. This time for the Luna Beads Pleasure System. And now, you guys get to watch it! Aren't you lucky? Hey, don't give me that look!

And so, without further ado, the trailer for my upcoming review of LELO's Luna Beads:

If you follow me on twitter or YouTube, you got an early look at this video last week, and if that's not an incentive to follow me, I don't know what is! No, seriously. I don't know what an incentive would be, can someone tell me?

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

It Came From The Deep!

Now I told myself that I wasn't going to have any more posts in March (except for one that's already scheduled - stay tuned!), but I had to share this with you guys.

*cue music from Jaws*




It came from the deapths of the ocean! Nah, I'm just fooling with you. I got it from edenfantasys!

It's the Whipspider Rubberworks Tentacle, and I've been drooling over it for literally ages. It just came in the mail today, and I've already had a chance to test it out, that's how desperate I was to own this beauty. Don't worry a review will be coming (sometime in April or early May, I hope!), so stay tuned for that!

P.S. If you're having a hard time remembering the Jaws theme, don't worry! It's on YouTube

Friday, March 22, 2013

Weird Fun

I just wanted to put up a quick post to tell you guys that I'm having wa-hey too much fun with my 
Luna Beads (but not exactly the way you might think!)

Hello there Mr. Luna-Bead Eyes!

You guys already knew that I was weird, right?

Saturday, March 16, 2013

What the Heart Desires

My review for Evolved's Desire was the third review I ever wrote, and it's still up over at edenfantasys (if you'd like to check it out there, please do!).

Desire by Evolved

The Desire is a “traditional” vibrator made by Evolved Novelties. Like other Evolved toys, Desire comes in a lovely little metal box with a foam insert:

The box has little clasps on the side to close it, and it works as great toy storage. I’ve had this toy for years and I still use the box to store it in.

The Desire is made out of hard plastic and has raised ridges along the length of it for added sensation. Because the body of the toy is made out of plastic, it is compatible with water-based and silicone-based lubricants. The plastic might be hard, but it has a nice satiny feel to it that glides along skin easily, especially when paired with lube. For me this was a big difference from my matte-silicone toys, which can sometimes drag uncomfortably when inserted. Clean up is fairly easy, the Desire can simply be washed with soap and water. I recommend an anti-bacterial soap for added cleanliness.

Okay, now for some specs:
It has a total length of 7.25”, with 6 of those inches insert-able. The circumference of the toy is listed as 4”, but that will vary slightly because of the different raised ridges. The diameter is 1.25”, but again that will vary along the length of the toy.

 At only 0.3 lbs (not including batteries), the Desire is a fairly light-weight toy. And speaking of batteries, it takes 2 AAs.

*A note on material* 
Like I said, the Evolved Desire is made out of hard plastic. And while it is food-grade material, hypo-allergenic, latex free and phthalates free, it cannot be sterilized, and therefore you should not share it without using a condom.

The Desire is waterproof, which means that it can be enjoyed in the shower or the tub (or the pool if you have one, which I do not). While using toys in the shower isn’t usually my thing, I did test this one out in the tub, because I wanted to make sure that it could hold up to its waterproof claim. As you can see from the picture, the Desire passed this test with flying colors (or bubbles).

There are three different vibration settings on the toy, which can be cycled through by pressing the button on the very bottom of the vibrator. The button also turns the toy on and off. This means that in order to turn the toy off, you need to cycle through all of the vibration speeds. For example…

  • First click = Turn the toy on, lowest speed. 
  • Second click = Toy moves to medium speed. 
  • Third click = Toy moves to fastest speed. 
  • Fourth click = Toy turns off. 

While I’ll admit that this feature can be slightly annoying, it hasn’t really been an issue for me. The button is fairly easy to reach, even when the toy is inserted and the speeds can be cycled through very quickly in case you need to turn the thing off in a hurry.

The button ↑ 
The Desire was one of the very first toys I ever bought, and I’ve had it for years. It has held up over the test of time and proved to be a great vibrator and a great investment in my future as a sex toy collector. When I bought this toy, the majority of items I had were made out of jelly and very flimsy, so this toy really seemed like the highest of quality to me. And it was (is)! Evolved is a company that certainly knows how to make lasting toys.

While the Desire can obviously be used internally, it’s not my preferred method of use. I’ve used it internally only a handful of times over the years that I’ve owned it, and even then, only when I’ve had a good work-up first with either fingers or another toy. For me the problem is those raised ridges that I mentioned earlier in my review. They’re great if you really love texture in a vibrator, but they just really don’t do much for me personally. I want to stress that this isn’t a “con” of the toy, and I wouldn't list it as such, because this has nothing to do with the toy itself and everything to do with my personal preference.

When I do use the Desire internally, the vibrations feel nice. I like internal vibrations, but I guess that I must like strong internal vibrations, because the Desire just doesn’t do much for me in that department. I love my toy too much to take it apart, so I don’t know exactly where the motor is, but I can venture a strong guess that it’s near the tip of the toy. Which means that if you want to use the Desire as a clitoral stimulator, you’ll have much better luck.

This is the way that I primarily use the Desire, and it works wonderfully! The vibrations are pin-pointed in the tip and I can direct them to whichever area of my clit or vulva that I want. There are three speed settings on the Desire, and while I usually like strong and fast, the medium setting is enough to get me off (Internally, I use the fastest setting). I also enjoy cycling through the speed settings for some variation, but since you have to turn the toy off to do that, it does get a bit annoying.

Overall the Desire is a great toy for internal or external use. Personally I prefer to use it externally, but I know that there are a lot of people out there who simply love texture in a way that I don’t. If you’re one of those people, you just might find that you desire this toy!


The Evolved Desire is a great “traditional” vibrator. While the internal vibrations can be a little weak, the toy works great for clitoral stimulation. This is a toy that I would recommend to people who enjoy texture and multiple speed settings. This is an inexpensive (you can pick one up for less than $30), quality toy that has stood the test of time, and one that I hope to have for many more years to come!

Like I said before, this review first appeared over at edenfantasys, and I'd love it if you went to check it out there (you can even vote on it if you feel so inclined...). Stay tuned for more new reviews to be coming soon. I'm still summing up all of my experiences with LELO's Luna Beads (so look for that sometime in the near future), and I'm still working on mastering Randy (otherwise known as The Beast).

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Feed Me?

Hey there loyal readers! Just a quick bit of site newsiness before we jump into more reviews!

The blog now has a lovely little orange button in its top right-hand corner. Isn't it lovely? But this button is more than mere decoration, it serves a purpose, I promise you.

SlightlyTickled (of Just Play With It...) sent me this message on twitter a few days ago:

Not surprisingly (because I am fairly clueless when it comes to blog-things), this was my response:

So I did! What that pretty orange button does is allow you to subscribe to my blog! You can get updates (and more new reviews, I promise) in your very own RSS reader (I use Google Reader, but that's just me)!
So go ahead, make my day, subscribe to the blog, and you can be the first (or the second or third, or maybe fourth?) to see new and exciting posts like:

  • my prettied-up review of Evolved's Desire
  • my brand-new review of LELO's Luna Bead Pleasure System (isn't that a fancy name?)    and
  • Randy (AKA The Beast)

Since I got some sweet-ass social media buttons, I moved the "Subscribe to RSS" button down a bit. It's still there, and it's still orange, it's just now nestled between my facebook button and my twitter button! Check 'em all out!

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Ina 2 At Last

LELO’s Ina 2 is everything I never knew I wanted in a rabbit vibrator. After exhaustive testing (and I do mean exhaustive) I can definitely say that the Ina 2 is going to be my go-to vibe from now on. Hell, who am I kidding? It already is my go-to vibe for clitoral stimulation, dual-stimulation and G-spotting. I've been using it on a very regular basis for the past month and I... but maybe I should start at the beginning?

Ina 2 by LELO

Before the Ina 2, I had never owned a rechargeable vibrator, I had never owned a rabbit vibrator, and I had never owned a toy that was quite so... buzzy. What was wrong with me? Well, it was simply a classic case of not knowing what I was missing. Luckily I've found the cure!
That cure comes in the form of 8" of plastic and the most buttery-soft silicone I have ever had the pleasure of rubbing against my vulva. 

The Ina 2 isn't exactly your standard rabbit-vibe. For one thing, it doesn't have any ears (which is, apparently, a thing). Instead it simply has two beautifully curved "arms". One that (anatomy permitting) rests against your clit, and another for G-spotting. Both arms have motors in them, so this really is a "dual-stimulator".
It's a bit hard to see, but there is the clitoral arm's motor!
I wanted to be able to put together a really classy review of the Ina 2, cleverly articulating all of the wonderful things I love about the toy. Once I started however, I discovered that there are just too many things that I love to be clever about. So instead I've decided to just list some of the hit parade:

What Do I Love About the Ina 2?
(more like, what don't I love?) 

  • The packaging (like all LELO toys) is drop-dead gorgeous. When it came in the mail and I first unwrapped it, I felt like a celebrity getting some sweet swag at a Red-Carpet after party. Seriously folks, the Ina 2 is a luxury product, and its packaging reflects that. It comes in a beautiful black box, nestled lovingly in a foam cut-out. The box itself comes in another box who's color-scheme reflects that of the toy (mine was orange), and has a picture of the product right on it.
  • It's rechargeable and hold its charge like nobody's business. I've charged the Ina 2 for a few hours and been able to use it time after time after time after time without even thinking about whether it was charged or not. I've even left it on for hours straight with no discernible weakening of the vibrations.
  • It's made from body safe materials like non-porous plastic and the softest 100% silicone you will ever touch (go on, I challenge you to find something more silky-soft)
  • It is somehow magically totally waterproof!
Water goes right into the charging port. I've done this a few times and my Ina 2 still works perfectly!
  • It's got a multitude of vibration speeds and patterns, so I'm never bored. I can pick from about 10 different speeds and 10 (it's really hard to count them!) different vibration patterns.
  • Both motors are strong and close to the surface of the toy, so I can actually feel the vibrations that they produce, unlike other toys I've had the misfortune to try in the past.
  • The controls are super-easy to use, even when the toy is inside of me. I think that's, you know, kind of important in a toy that is essentially designed for solo-use. It drives me up a wall when you see a toy that you clearly have to be double-jointed to be able to use the way it was intended to be used.
  • Clean-up is a breeze. Since the Ina 2 does contain plastic parts (and motors, don't forget the motors) it cannot be boiled. But it can be washed with anti-bacterial soap and water, or sprayed down with either toy cleaner or a 10% bleach solution.
On top of all of that (and that's already a lot to love) the Ina 2 does something freakin' magical. It works. The dual vibrations of the internal arm and the clitoral arm combine in any number of patterns and speeds (my favorite switches from having vibrations only on my G-spot to vibrations only on my clit... rinse and repeat) to bring me to mind-numbing orgasms pretty much every single time. 

A caveat before I wrap this whole thing up though. Like any rabbit vibe, the Ina 2 is anatomy specific. What does that mean? It means that just because there is a G-spot arm and a clit-arm, they might not necessarily hit your G-spot or your clit. I got really lucky, my anatomy is such that I am able to experience both sensations at the same time, and enjoy the Ina 2 to its full orgasm-inducing potential.

If you already have the Ina 2 (or even the original Ina), please tell me what you think of it. Again, because of its anatomy-spceificness I know that there are a wide range of thoughts and opinions out there, so please share them!

Or, if you don't have one and you'd like to try this beautiful rabbit vibe for yourself, you can pick one up from LELO, or from edenfantasys (where I got mine).

Okay. That's everything for now. Keep an eye here for more up-coming reviews (you can see what they are in the side-bar) and other random posts. See ya!

No seriously, I'm done. What are you still doing here? Shoo!

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Tweeting & YouTubing

Alright, time for some more site stuff and then we'll get to the reviews, I promise.

Some of you already know this, but for those of you who don't (you know, the other 7 billion of you), I'm on twitter! Yes twitter, that bastion of social media, how could I resist it?
Well, the short answer is, I couldn't. And I didn't really want to. Being on twitter is going to allow me to connect with so many wonderful people and companies that I might not otherwise have been able to meet. I've already following some of my favorite reviewers and companies, and I've been meeting so many amazing people (and having the best/weirdest conversations).
If you'd like to get in on some of this weirdness, you can find me on twitter @SeptimusReviews, or there's a nifty little button right here on the bottom of the blog. Just scroll allllllll the way down and click. Go on, you know how to click, don't you? You just put your lips together and... no wait, that's something else. Never mind.

The other piece of site-related news that I wanted to share with you lovely folks is that I'm also on YouTube now! I've created a "channel" there so that I can post any videos I might make. So far I've just got the little teaser video I put together for my Ina 2 review. But in the future I hope to be able to put together video reviews and product demos (like I sometimes see over at edenfantasys or on toy company's websites). I personally love being able to see how strong/fast a vibe is in a video before I commit to spending my own hard earned cash on it.
So come find me over at the 'Tube, watch some videos (video) and leave a comment or two. I promise I'll love you forever if you do! :o)

That's it for right now. I know these posts aren't very fun and ya'll are just dying to get back to the fun stuff, am I right? So the next post (unless something bizarre comes up in the meantime, and it just might) will be my review of LELO's Ina 2!

Stay tuned!

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Labeling Laws

Hey again everyone!

I just wanted to let you guys know that all of my posts now have labels! Even though I'm not a fan of them in real life they can be darned helpful on a blog.

So far the labels I have are limited to describing what actually is in a post. For example, my review of the Pure Wand is labeled "nJoy, Dildos, Review" etc. Get the picture? I knew you would, you're smart.

Other bloggers I love have such wonderful and imaginative tags for their posts. Hey Epiphora has wonderful tags like: Did Humans Even Test This? and Not For The Faint of Vagina on her blog. I envy her.

But for now, my tags will remain boring. I hope that they will at least be useful though. I think that they will, as I can already see how the system is allowing me to organize my posts more and find things quickly (this isn't really an issue now, as I don't have much content on the site yet, but I hope to fix that soon).

Alright, that's all folks. See ya soon with more reviews and such!

Friday, March 1, 2013

Truly Terrifying...

Sorry for posting twice in one day (again), but something just came in the mail that I simply had to share with you folks!

For the past several years I've been lusting after Vixen's Randy and today, after months of saving and days of tracking my shipment (seriously, why did they invent those things, I just refresh them endlessly, I'm obsessive like that), it has arrived!

Now if this doesn't scare you, no evil thing will. Wish me luck folks, I'm going to need it. And of course, I'll be posting a review when (if) I ever conquer this beast of a dildo.

Again, luck (and an especially elastic vagina) please.


Hey there!

You might not have noticed it, but my blog has more than one page now! Yup, that's right. If you'll look to the top of the screen (go ahead, I'll wait) you'll see three new tabs!

The first tab says HOME and it's exactly what you think it is, the home page of the blog. This is where you can see new posts, reviews and videos.

The next tab says LIST OF REVIEWS (I'm creative, aren't I?) and again, it's what you think it is. This is a complete list of all of the reviews I've done so far, with links included. So far I only have the items separated into two categories (toys and books), but that might change further down the line.

The third tab that you see says ABOUT and it contains some information about yours truly (including how to contact me, if you so desire)!

Well, that's it for now folks. Keep an eye on this space for my review of LELO's Ina 2, which should be coming any day now. If, however, you just can't wait for my review, you can check out this little teaser video I put together the other day.

Also keep an eye on the side-bar, where you'll see a list of my upcoming reviews.

Stay frosty folks!


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