Beware the Kraken!

You're sitting alone in your apartment, maybe watching some TV, maybe reading a book. Suddenly you think you can hear some music, seeming to come from nowhere, and every where at the same time. You look up. "Hello?" you call out, "is anybody there?" The music is getting louder, it almost sounds like... no, it couldn't be... could it? Your heart starts to race, the music is getting louder and louder, and now you're absolutely certain that yes, it is the theme from Jaws.

Out of the corner of your eye you can see something cresting in the water (which is weird because there isn't usually an ocean in your apartment). Just as you open your mouth the scream it surfaces and you see that it's... a tentacle?

But not just any tentacle, a WhipSpider Rubberworks Tentacle!

This tentacle is easily one of the most beautiful toys that I own. The craftsmanship is exquisite, and it's very obvious that the folks over at Whipspider Rubberwoks take a lot of pride in their toys.

I've had my eye on this tentacle pretty much since I started getting involved with sex toys. I'll admit that at first I found it strange and bizarre, and I still think that both of those adjectives apply. But now, those are my adjectives, I love strange and bizarre. After seeing countless "life-like" dildos, it's always nice to see something a little bit different. And it doesn't get much more different than a tentacle now does it?

Now I know that tentacles might not be your thing, but hear me out, okay? Because this isn't just a work of art (though it certainly is that), it's also a highly functional dildo which can bring you endless oceans of pleasure (see what I did there?).

The tentacle is just about 6.5" if you measure from the base to the tip, but as you can see in the picture, it had a wicked curve (the better to hit your G-spot with) to it, so overall the length is more like 7-7.5" depending on how stretched out it is.

The girth also varies from about 3.25" in circumference at the tentacle's very tip to about 7" right before the flared base (the base is shaped like an oval, 2" x 3" in diameter). I know, that seems like a lot, and it is. If you're not into girthy toys, then this probably isn't the tentacle for you.¹

Like all Whipspider Rubberworks toys, the tentacle is made of 100% soft squishy (lint-loving) silicone. It's completely non-porus, and can safely be shared once it's been sterilized. (I recommend boiling it, and then standing over the pot and saying "mmm, calamari!")

But enough about specs, you guys probably want to know how this monster (sea-monster?) feels! Well, it feels a-mazing! See all of those little suction cups in the photo? They provides the walls of my vag with some much loved stimulation. If you're a fan of different and unique textures, you'll love this one! I can almost feel every single one of those cups when I'm getting fucked with the tentacle.
Speaking of fucking, because the toy is curved I sometimes have to sort of... twist the thing to get it in. And while that can be a little tiring for my wrists, it's soooo worth it! I end up reduced to a puddle of goo at the hands of the tentacle's twisty-textury-G-spotty goodness.

Sounds pretty good so far right? And I haven't even gotten to my favorite part yet.... Are you ready for it? Ready...? The tentacle GLOWS IN THE DARK! And when I say it glows, it GLOWS! It took me a bazillion tries to get a decent picture, but I had to let you guys see for yourselves just how awesome this thing looks:

Amazing huh? When I first got it, I literally couldn't stop staring. I mean, the colors of the tentacle are stunning to begin with, but then you take it in the dark and... Guh! Can't stop staring!

Okay... TL:DR, I love this toy! I love the shape, the color and the texture. I love that it glows in the dark, and I love that it's a freakin' tentacle (but I'm weird like that). I love that this is a toy that exists, and that I can own.

Are you sold yet? You can get one of your own direct from Whipspider Rubberworks for $79.99 (plus shipping, I'm assuming). Or check out all of the other cool/odd/awesome stuff they have. Want a butt-plug shaped like one of the Easter Island heads? They've got you covered.

Happy tentacle-ing!




P.S. For those of you who are wondering, yes, I have been listening to a lot of 'Welcome to Night Vale' lately, how could you tell?

^{1. Whipspider Rubberworks does make a more slender version of the tentacle, called (appropriately enough) the Slender Tentacle. According to their web-site, the base of that tentacle is only about 2.25" in diameter. ↩}

100 Followers!

I said that I would post something very silly on the blog if I got 100 followers on twitter. You guys came through on your end, so here you go:

100 followers, thank you all so much! You make my day! :o)

I read The Feminist Porn Book (and you should too!)

I firmly believe that there is nothing that you can't get through Inter-Library Loan. 

Case in point, I'd been trying to get my hands on a copy of Tristan Taormino's The Feminist Porn Book  since I'd first heard about it back in February or so.

Isn't it lovely?

I didn't think I needed to own a copy of the book, and I none of my friends had a copy that I could borrow, so I was kind of stuck. Then, in March I started working for my library and immediately requested the book from one our participating libraries. It took quite a while (you can't Inter-Library Loan a book that's less than 6 months old), but finally, finally it was all mine to do with as I pleased.
So what did I do? I grabbed my folding chair, sat out on my porch and got to reading. A few days later, I emerged from my reading cocoon a beautiful, enlightened butterfly.

The Feminist Porn Book is almost exactly what it sounds like. What it sounds like is a book of porn (which would be cool), what it is is about a book about porn. Specifically, feminist perspectives on pornography. The book is composed of essays by people with all sorts of ties to the industry. From writers and directors to performers and even academics who make a career of the industry (a degree in pornography studies makes going back to grad school sound almost tempting).

The essays are (for the most part) smartly written and very well put together. They offer a number of different perspectives both on what it means to be a feminist and how pornography can actually be feminist (spoiler alert: it certainly can be!).

Many of the essayists suggest that there is more than one way for a work to be considered feminist. Here’s a list:

·         A film can be a feminist work if woman (and female identifying people) are involved in any of the various aspects of its production.

·         A film can be a feminist work if it features performers of color. Or gay, lesbian, queer and transgendered performers (and writers, directors and producers too!). Basically, feminist porn should be all-inclusive.

·         Another standard that a production has to meet to be considered feminist is to treat it’s workers and performers like people, provide them food and facilities and pay them fairly. Performers should never be tricked or coerced into performing

So, how can a producer ensure that his/her film will be considered feminist? Have woman involved in the production, not just the performance. Have people involved who aren’t just straight and white, and just treat their performers like human beings. Surprisingly simple.¹

The book also introduces its readers to the concept of the "Porn Wars", which were apparently many battles fought on both sides by feminists with radically different views on pornography. One camp felt strongly that porn could only ever be exploitative towards woman, and the other felt that porn could be liberating and empowering.



Yes, this book is an academic work (there are more than a few essays by prominent academics in the field), but it's also a very interesting work, and not at all dry. If you're interested in picking up a copy of your own (and I encourage you to do so; whichever side of the "Porn Wars" you fall on, it's an interesting read), you can do so at amazon.com, and don't worry, you can get the book in kindle format if you're not super-comfortable reading a bright red book with the word "PORN" in bold lettering…



^{1.This works in mainstream cinema as well, by having films pass the Bechdel Test↩}

New "Review"

Hi there ladies and gentlemen! I know, I know, I'm supposed to be on vacation until September 1st (and I still am, really), but I got this new product and I just had to review it for you folks...
See, I've been out of the office (so to speak) because I was busy doing very important things, like, getting married. And in my wild adventures in marriage land, I see to have acquired a new sex-toy...
I'm calling it the...

"Husband"

Now, this "husband" that I've acquired is an item with a lot of pros and cons. It's for sure the most versatile toy I've ever owned and it has a range of special features! But of course, like any toy, there can be some drawbacks too. Like the fact that for some inexplicable reason this toy seems to generate a lot of mess. Like, more than you'd think one little toy could make. 

But let's start with the pros, shall we?

Pros:

• Gets me off almost every damn time!
• The "Husband" is almost guaranteed to get me off! And on demand too! All I have to do is flash my tits at it, and it's ready to go! So convenient!

• Has many lovely moving parts. 
• It has a "tongue" and "fingers" and even a realistic penis to pleasure me with!

• Is totally and 100% water-proof. 
• In fact, it loves to pleasure me in the shower or the tub!

• It makes me food!
• Yes folks, you read that right! When this toy isn't giving me the most amazing orgasms, it's cooking me delicious dinners! Does it get better than that? I think not.

But like any toy that I've ever owned, the "Husband" has some lesser points too...

Cons:

• Only seems to know how to cook pasta.
• And pasta-related dishes.

• It makes a mess! 
• I think I already said this but wow! This toy sure does get messy while it's getting me off!

• Sometimes it wants to get me off when I'm not really in the mood.
• This thing just can't keep its "hands" off of me! What have I gotten myself into?

Well, that's not really such a bad list, is it? Over-all this "Husband" toy is fabulous. I'm so very lucky to have gotten it, and I really do love it very much! Would I recommend it to others? Not this particular model, sorry but it's taken. :o)

I hope you folks didn't mind this little tongue-in-cheek "review", I really have fun writing it. Don't worry, I'll be back for "real" on September 1st and will resume my regularly scheduled reviews. I've got a few new toys and even some lube to review, so stay tuned.

And a special thank-you to my "Husband", for having such a good sense of humor. Love you Puppy!

Taking a Brief Hiatus

I know, I know. You see the word 'hiatus' and think: okay, well it was fun while it lasted, but there goes another blog. Ah well, such is life.

But it's not like that, I promise! I really will be back...

You might have noticed that over the last month or so my posts and reviews have been more and more infrequent. Instead of 10 posts per month, you're only getting 2... Granted, they're fabulous, but still, 2 posts just don't seem like quite enough to fill up the void.

And I want to do something about it, I really do. So what am I going to do? Well, I'm going to take a little break.

"Wait, what? In order to post more things to the blog, you're going to... uh, stop posting on the blog?"

Yeah, but it makes sense, I promise. Just bear with me a few more lines here, please.

In case you don't know, I'm getting married, like ridiculously soon (10 days from when this post will go live). And because of that I've been super-busy and super-stressed. Whoever said that planning a wedding is supposed to be the best time of your life, should be shot.
As a result of all of this business and stressing, my blog has suffered. See, we've come full circle, and I promise I'll get to my point soon.

Right now I work 20-29 hours a week at my "real" job, I have two other jobs that I go to once a week and I do volunteer work on Tuesdays. My fiance and I are also in the process of moving into our new apartment (also, not super-fun). On top of all that, I'm putting the final touches on planning the wedding and trying to have some semblance of a social life (hahahahahaha). Like I said, stress.

So now you know why you're only getting a measly 2 posts per month over here. I just don't have enough hours in my day to seriously devote time to blogging, and I feel like that's not fair to my readers.

So like I said at the beginning of all this madness, I'm taking a hiatus.

I will be gone for the month of August. 

I plan to be back exactly on September 1st, with a brand new review to make it up to you guys. I don't want you folks out there to feel unloved, but I need a little break. After the wedding (and the honeymoon!) things will have settled down tremendously in my "real" life, and I should be able to have time to breathe once in a while.

Please note, I'm only taking a break from blogging. I will still be on twitter and checking my e-mail, so you can reach me @SeptimusReviews, or e-mail me: SeptimusReviews@gmail.com.

So, September 1st, be back here for an awesome new review (one I've been planning for a long time!) and after that things will really pick up. Really.

And maybe I'll even get my mother off my back! Well, a girl can dream, can't she?

See you in September! 

:o)

I Found Nirvana

...and it was in my night-stand this whole time! Well, maybe not the whole time. More like a month or so. And it's not actually Nirvana, but something damned close. I'm getting a bit ahead of myself here, but what else is new? Alright, before I get too far into this craziness, let's get the old 'opening spiel' over with... I'm going to be reviewing (for your reading pleasure) the:

Nirvana Cobalt Glass Dildo

by Prisms Erotic Glass

I'm a huge fan of glass toys, and I desperately wish that I owned more of them. There's something so wonderful and unique about glass that just can't be equaled by any other material. Now you might be thinking "glass, oh hell no! no was is something made out of glass going in my vagina!". I get it, I really do. I was just like you a few years ago; skeptical, doubting, afraid. But I (and my vagina) have since embraced glass for the wonder that it is.

Glass is a perfectly safe choice of material (certainly safer than icky jelly toys). Glass is non-porous and can therefore be sterilized. The one thing you do have to be careful of when it comes to glass dildos is breaking them! I've heard horror stories of beloved toys that had to be tossed because they were cracked or chipped. While a glass toy is completely safe to use internally, a chipped or cracked toy is NOT. Luckily, most glass toys (including the Nirvana) come with at least a small velvet pouch to store the toy in. Some even come with padded bags, which is awesome, because you really don't want these toys bumping-uglies in your toy-drawer!¹ But still, be careful with your glass folks, especially if you love the toy as much as I love this one.

And how much do I love the Nirvana Cobalt? Let me count the ways:

1. It's glass, which I've already stated is an amazing choice of material. Unlike silicone (which, obviously, I also love), glass slides with little or no lube and provides for a much smoother thrust.
2. It's got these fabulous bulbs:

which feel absolutely amazing inside me. I love thrusting them in slowly, so I can feel each individual bulb as it slides in, opening me up.
3. It's blue! I don't know if I've ever mentioned this but I love any toy that's not pink! Not that there's really anything wrong with pink, I'm just annoyed at the over saturation of the sex-toy market with all things pink and purple. (It's a not-so-secret goal of mine to own a green sex toy)

Look at this gorgeous blue color!

4. And finally, the price is right. At only $20, the Nirvana is fairly cost-effective. I've not going to break the bank, like some of my other favorite toys

Now, I'm not one of those lucky, lucky girls who can come from penetration alone (at least, not typically), but I feel like the Nirvana almost brings me there. While it isn't at all curved, I feel like the bulbous end of the dildo does press lightly against my G-spot if I thrust at exactly the right angle. I wouldn't recommend this as a G-spotting toy, it's not designed as one, and doesn't provide nearly enough pressure. But the light, almost teasing, touches are still very enjoyable. I think that's one of the reasons why the Nirvana has become my go-to dildo for quick masturbation sessions. There's not a lot of prep-work since I don't have to use much lube (or any at all, most times) and it gets me off (in combination with a clit-vibe) pretty damned quick! I also occasionally use it for a slow session of thrusting and building up my arousal; my fiance certainly enjoys torturing me with it.

But maybe you guys don't come here just to listen to me gush about my toys. Maybe you want some actual stats. Fine, you guys are really so demanding:

• Weighing in at ~0/6 lbs, the Nirvana isn't exactly a light toy, but it's not heavy enough that you'll break your wrist while thrusting.
• And with ~5.25" of insertable length, it shouldn't scare anyone off either.
• The base is just about 1.75" in diameter, and is technically anal-safe, though I am not quite adventurous enough (yet) to try it in my ass.
• The bulbs of the toy are all just about 1.125" in diameter, and the depressions between them are 1", which means that you can really feel each one as it slides home.

I think that about wraps it up for Nirvana. Bottom line: I love this dildo. It's made of one of my favorite materials, has amazing bulbs (that feel fab in my vag) and is a gorgeous color! What more could you want out of life? Food and shelter? Nah, you only need orgasms. 

Want one of your own? (a toy, not the orgasm, though it should follow!) You can pick one up at Looks-Like-Sex.com! 

---

1If you want to know more about the care and keeping of glass toys, you should really check out my buddy Naughty Reenie's post on the subject. And tell her I say hi!^↩

The Nirvana Cobalt was given to me in exchange for my honest review by looks-like-sex.com, thanks again Jessica!

Porn-ucational!

We have another first here on the blog! I'm going to be reviewing a porno for the very first time!
Now, full disclosure, porn hasn't always been my thing. I do occasionally watch some DVDs that I had laying around the house, but it's not really a go to for my masturbation sessions. This porn, however, is very different. I actually requested this DVD for review. Because, you see, this isn't just any old porno, it's the newest edition of...

Sexing the Transman XXX (vol 3)

by Buck Angel Entertainment

This movie is different than any other porno I've ever seen, and I definitely want to go out and get the first two volumes of the series to watch with my fiance! But before I get too carried away (yeah right, like that will ever happen) let me back up and start at the beginning...

Buck Angel is an adult film star, head of his own production company, and a transman! He fights for trans rights and puts out the most awesome PSAs about body acceptance and trans health issues. So it's probably not all that surprising that his porn has an educational spin to it!

The Sexing the Transman DVD has 5 scenes, three couples and two solo scenes. Each scene starts out with Buck interviewing the performer(s). They talk about, among other things, sexuality, transitioning and just trans life in general.
These interviews are so cool and provide real insights into what it's like to be a transperson. Surprise! Trans people have sex too! And if the DVD is anything to judge by, they have really hot sex!

At first I was a bit unsure about how to approach this review. Should I break the DVD down and review each scene one at a time? Or should I just put down my impressions of the film as a whole? Both seemed like viable options, and so in the end (in the spirit of true democracy [or something like it]), I decided to do both! I'm going to talk about why this movie as a whole is awesome (spoiler alert: I loved it!), and I'm also going to give some highlights from my favorite scenes. So let's get started, shall we?

The DVD starts out hot with a scene between Bleu, a transman, and Je his gender-queer partner. This scene was pretty cool because it is so obvious that Bleu and Je are real people. Not porn-stars who are dolled up in a ton and a half of makeup and look absolutely flawless from every angle. Real people, really fucking. There's some great chemistry between these two, and it's obviously that they really love fucking each other (probably why they're a couple in the frist place), and that translates into some hot on-screen sex. I wasn't a huge fan of the choking, but Je seemed to be really into it, and that in and of itself was hot to me. Also, lots of sucking of trans cock! 

Next up we have a solo-scene with Atlanta based transman, Rex. If you're into masturbation scenes, then this will totally be for you! Honestly, I found it hot but it wasn't really my thing. What I like about porn is watching two (or more) people going at it hot and heavy, so solo isn't really going to appeal to me as much. But that's just me! It was, however, really fun to watch the expression on Rex's face as he got himself off. Very cool. The only thing that disturbed me was the use of what I'm 90% certain was a jelly vibrator. Silicone man, silicone!

The solo-scenes are interspersed with the coupled scenes, so next up we have another real-life couple, Lola and Rude Boy. Now, what I loved more than anything else about this scene was the fact that both of them are trans! Lola is a transwoman, and Rude is a transman! How fucking cool is that? Porn doesn't get more inclusive folks! The sex was pretty damned hot too, with lots of nipple-sucking (from 2 different angles) and moaning. I especially loved when Rude started face-fucking Lola while she was going down on him. Hot! I wasn't really a huge fan of the kissing in this scene (of the face-sucking and lip-mashing variety), but again, I'm pretty sure that's just a personal preference.

Back to the solo-scene with Dicky, who lives his life as both a man and a woman. (We really need some good gender neutral pronouns, don't we? Get on that folks, okay?) Like most of the other scenes, this one started a bit slowly, with Buck coaxing Dicky into first taking off his shirt, and then getting progressively more naked. (Spoiler alert: naked is good). And then there was clit-pumping! Which I had honestly never seen before. How I've gotten to the ripe old age of *insert age here* without ever seeing a good old-fashioned clit pumping, I don't know. But I'm going to try to see more, that's for sure! It's a little like watching someone jack off with a crystal clear Fleshlight (which I would also like to see), and it was pretty damned hot! (Though I wasn't a fan of the spitting... ew).

And now for the grand finale: Buck and Sean! Yes, that's Buck as in Buck Angel, the man behind all of this madness. Unlike the other scenes, this one didn't start with an interview (probably because Buck was too busy fucking :oD), but rather just jumped straight into gay porn! Yay! My favorite! So much manly fucking, I could plotz! Yum. Although I could do without the very manly groaning, it was nice to see that everyone was at least having an excellent time! I think that the biggest difference between this DVD and mainstream hetero porn, is that here all of the performers seem to actually be enjoying themselves! What a novel concept! (more please!) Buck clearly enjoys being fucked! Also: Sean wears a condom throughout the scene! Yay for showcasing some really hot safe-sex! Way to go guys! This last scenes was the most "hard-core" of all of them. With tons of hard pussy-pounding and dirty talking (and grunting, so much grunting). It was a lot of fun to watch, and the one that I'm going to be getting my self off to many more times in the future!

Overall, this DVD was both hot and educational! Pornucational! (see what I did there?) Honestly, my favorite part of every scene was the interview. I loved hearing about the performer's life, transition and sex life. If you just want some straight-up fucking and aren't interested in listening to the interviews, that's cool too! You'll still really love this DVD, (here's a hint: you can fast-forward past the talking bits if that's what you want) but you'll be missing out on some of the best bits.

Would I recommend this DVD? The answer is emphatically: YES. This is a must-have DVD for anyone's collection, and I'm not just saying that because I'm a bit of a pack-rat. I actually threw out my other porn once I got Sexing the Transman. And if that's not the best recommendation ever, I don't know what is. :o)

Thank you to Buck Angel Entertainment for sending me this DVD in exchange for this honest review! You're an awesome guy Buck!

A Flash in the Pan

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The Tower is Crazy!

*NOTE* This review has been made possible thanks to Google translate.

Alright, here's the story behind this review (because lately it seems like all my reviews have a back-story). A while back I saw this Crazy Thing on Pinterest, and immediately pinned it to my "What this is, I don't even..." board. It was that strange looking. So of course, I had to find out if I could get my perverted little paws on one. Long story short, I could, and I did. So I now bring you...

La tour est Folle

Yes, it's exactly what it looks like.

Loosely translated (and I do mean loosely) the toy is: The Tower is Crazy. I've been calling it "the Tower" for short. Why "the Tower"? Because it's a dildo of the Eiffel Tower, of course! This is easily the most unique dildo that I own, and I still can't get over the shape!

At it's heart, the Tower is a basic straight dildo made out of PVC, which is not my favorite¹ material, but I can accept it if I have to.
*CORRECTION* 6-19-13
Like I mentioned at the start of this review, I'm doing this with the help of Google translate, and probably not surprisingly, some mistakes were made. The Tower is not made out of PVC, but TPU which is a non-porous and hypo-allergenic.
The inside of the Tower is completely hollow, which makes this a surprisingly light toy. Now, when it comes to G-spotting toys, I like heavy. But for straight-dildos, lighter is gooder. It means I can thrust for a long time without my wrists getting sore.

I can see all the way to Paris!

And with about 6.25" of insertable length, thrusting is something I'm totally doing! I never thought I'd say this about a straight-up straight dildo, but I actually really love the way this one feels! It's smooth and soft and provides a great filling sensation with its 4" circumference (measured right below the "head" of the Tower). The head is very slightly bulbous, which I personally like. It's got a circumference of 4.25" inches, which is a slight enough difference to not be over challenging. There is a very small seam right under the "head" which is easily felt with your finger-tips, but honestly, I didn't feel it at all when the toy was inside of me. There are other seams on the base of the tower, but since I really don't think you're supposed to put that part inside of yourself, it shouldn't be a problem.

Don't put this part in your vag please

Speaking of having this thing inside of me... I like it! It is a genuinely pleasant experience. I'm going to be honest and say that I don't often use dildos on my own when I masturbate. My go-to toys tend to be vibes, because there's less thrusting and more insta-gasms. But this is a dildo that I can and do use on my own. The "windows" in the base of the tower are perfect for me to slide my fingers into, so instead of thrusting in and out, like I would with a more traditional dildo, I can actually pull the Tower into my vag! I love that! It's a unique way of masturbating (at least for me), and I'm a fan of this method.
And never fear, the Tower is partner-friendly too! Again, it's the "windows" that give a great place to grip and thrust without getting sore wrists.

The only issue that I seem to have so far with the Tower, is that it's a bit long for my tastes. I can sometimes feel the bulbous tip poking at my cervix if I get a little too enthusiastic. I think that's because of the pulling motion that I use (as described above, remember?), and it probably depends on where I am in my cycle² But other than that, I've found fucking the Eiffel Tower to be a very pleasant experience. And there's a sentence I never thought I would type.

Since I know some of you are looking at this toy and wondering "can I put that in my ass?" (and I love you guys for it), the answer is a tentative yes. Because of the flared base, this should be an anal safe toy. However, because PVC is a porous material, it will pick up some nasty stuff over time, so you might want to use a barrier like a condom for anal play, and never never never go ass-to-vag without changing the condom. You really don't want to be bringing the local ass-bacteria into your vag, it doesn't belong there and it will not be happy.

My two Towers :o)

So I think that just about wraps it up for the Tower. Now, I know what you're all going to ask next, and I'm afraid I'm going to have to disappoint you. The Tower is not available in the States, yet. The company is still trying to get a lot of publicity, and to build up a client-base. If you want to know more, you should check them out at their facebook page, and say hi to Sebastien for me!

When it becomes available, I'll let you guys know and update the post with a link to buy one. Because really, who wouldn't want to fuck the Eiffel Tower?

*UPDATE* 12-2-13
Hey guys! I just heard that the tower will soon be available for purchase in the U.S.! I'll keep you posted!

The Tower was provided to me for free in exchange for my honest review! Thank you again to Sebastien Lecca for sending it to me and putting up with all of my questions! I enjoyed my "trip" to Paris.

1 Usually, I only use/review toys that are made out of 100% non-porous materials like silicone, glass and steel; but I made an exception for the Tower. Partially because my French is rusty (read: non-existent), and I wasn't actually sure what the toy's material was before I got it, and partially because I just couldn't resist a dildo shaped like the freakin' Eiffel Tower! 
*NOTE* See corrections above.^↩

2 Some people menstruate, get over it. :oP^↩

Mini Mail-Call

I just wanted to throw-up a quick, mini, mail-call post to share two things that were delivered to me today.


First up is a new "mini" vibe from FunFactory called the Flash (there will be many super-hero jokes to be had, I can already tell):

It's orange, I die! :o)

Look for a review of this cute little vibe before the end of June. Or, you could subscribe, and be notified when it goes up.


And second, while this isn't really toy-related at all, I just had to share it. Our wedding rings came in the mail today! I haven't opened the package yet, as I'm waiting to see my fiance tonight and we'll open it together. But I'm super psyched!


Alright, that about wraps up this Mail-Call. Look for two exciting new reviews coming in the next few weeks, and maybe even a bonus review if I can find a few extra hours to rub together.

C-C-C-Changes

Hello there wonderful lovely folks! How are you on this fine June day?

I just wanted to throw together a quick post to talk about some of the changes you've all been noticing on the blog. Don't worry, you haven't done anything wrong... probably.

Let's get right to it, shall we?

First, and biggest, I've moved! Domains that is. Yup, that's right, I've got my very own, brand-spanking-new domain name now! Right at the top of the page! Did you notice it? Did ya? 'Cause I couldn't shut up about it on twitter. :o) What can I say? I'm excited. It's like a milestone for me in terms of my blogging and reviewing. I sort of started out reviewing as something fun to do in my spare time. But over the past few months I've gotten much more serious about it, and I'm honestly just having too much fun to quit now. Buying my domain is a way for me to show that I plan to be doing this for a while.

Next (and not quite as exciting) you might have noticed my shiny new social media buttons right over there in the side bar. Clicking on them will take you right to my RSS feed (you should subscribe! Was that subtle enough?), my twitter account, and my facebook page.

Which brings me to my next piece of news... I've got a facebook page now! It's at http://www.facebook.com/pages/Septimus-Reviews/459266304155130?fref=ts, which is long and awkward to type, so go ahead and just click on the shiny new button (come on, you know you want to!). And while you're there, you can "like" the page if you want to. Which means that every time I post a new blog entry, or share something super-duper cool, it'll pop up in your "timeline". You won't have to check the blog obsessively (like you do), to see new posts and reviews anymore!

But, if you do hit F5 like it's going out of style, then you've probably noticed something else new, namely, my GoodVibes banner! I'm now part of their affiliate program, and I'd absolutely love it if you used my affiliate link when getting some goodness over there. You can do that by clicking on their banner (and isn't it a pretty one?), or clicking on their link under the "Stores I Love to Support" list! Again, I do get a commission from these sales, but it's not paying my rent or anything, so don't sweat it if you're not interested. Although they're just a really cool store in general, and you should support them, you know, 'cause they're cool and junk.

Well, I think that just about wraps things up for now. I've probably bored you fine people to death already anyways. But if I haven't, and you're still hanging in with me...

Stay tuned for some exciting reviews coming up over the rest of the month. I'm going to be reviewing the weirdest toy it has ever been my pleasure to own (and that includes my tentacle), La Tour est Folle! I will also (hopefully) be reviewing a brand new vibe by FunFactory (courtesy of edenfantasys). And, if I have enough time between Works and wedding planning, I'll be reviewing that tentacle I mentioned.

Alright, scram. No loitering! :o)

iReview iGino

You guys have no idea how excited I am to finally be reviewing this toy! I wanted to have this review up last week, but real life stuff (specifically planning my wedding) has gotten in the way. But never fear! Septimus is still here, with a review of the...

iGino One

A little background before we jump right into things?

About a month or so ago, I was approached by the "iGino Team" and asked if I would be interested in reviewing a new and innovative clit-vibe. They sent me their press-packet, which included this video:

I just love the way she says "massager"!

I have to admit that as a DIYer, I love the idea of creating a toy simply because you want to use it, but it's not yet on the market. Whether the iGino is as revolutionary as it claims, remains to be seen, but I have to applaud the initiative.

The iGino is a new clit-vibe that was crowd-funded over at indiegogo.com.

The whole shebang is the same size and basic shape as an iPhone (hence the name...) so if discretion is important to you, this toy would definitely work, at least on that front. Once you pop open the lid, however, the illusion is shattered (unless the new iPhone comes with a vibrating head? I don't know, I have an Android).

As you can see from the picture, the iGino One has a little, uh, nubby bit on the top. This is the part that you're supposed to press up against your parts. As you might have guessed, it vibrates. Or rather, it employs the iGino's patented "vibraMoove" technology. When I watched the video, I was sort of under the impression that the head would move backward-and-forward and side-to-side, in a circular type movement. But this doesn't seem to be the case. The head does move very quickly, which I count as a plus (since it means more intensity), but that does make it rather difficult to actually watch the movement. As near as I can tell, the head simply moves side-to-side, albeit rather quickly.

I like this movement. I can't exactly tell if it's all that different from other types of vibrations (like the company clearly claims), but when it's pressed up against my clit, I really don't care. It provides a very intense sensation, like a pin-pointed vibration directly to my clit. This is the only toy I have that has such a small head (for lack of a better descriptive term). My other clit-vibe has a much broader area, which allows for more stimulation of my labia and vulva, but less precise stimulation on my clit.
Which do I prefer? Honestly, it depends on what kind of mood I'm in. Generally though, broader stimulation = a more relaxed pace and more build up; and pin-point stimulation = getting off faster and dirtier!

The iGino One also comes with an... attachment? It's this strange little flower like thing:

Huh?

that you're supposed to slip around the moving head to provide a softer feeling. I've tried it, and let me tell you, it did nothing but get in the way, at least in my humble opinion. After a few uses the little flower (which is just made of plain old foam) warped and deformed and doesn't quite fit anymore. But that didn't really bother me, I wasn't planning on using it much anyway.

An important note:
Remember how I said that the iGino was discreet? Well, that kind of only applies to it's appearance. You might not know what this thing is when you look at it, but turn it on and you'll know exactly what you're looking at. Okay, maybe not exactly. But the choices are going to be either a vibrator, or an electric razor.

Translation = this thing is loud.

I actually tested it, and with the TV on, the iGino running under a blanket, and my door closed, I couldn't hear it. But it took all of that to muffle the sound. So if you're in a shared sleeping-quarters type arraignment and don't want your roommate or partner to know what you're up to, you might want to skip on this one (or buy them a nice pair of noise-cancelling headphones, your choice).


You're probably wondering about the material, well wonder no more, I'm going to tell you all about it. The iGino is made out of a basic hard plastic, which means that it's non-porus and can be easily cleaned with a little bit of anti-bacterial soap and water. I really shouldn't have to spell this out, but DON'T BOIL THIS TOY! Not only will the plastic melt but Hello! it's got a motor and never claims to be water-proof. Again, DO NOT BOIL! You will ruin your toy (and possibly your pride).


The packaging was pretty nice. Not LELO nice, but nice. It comes in a stiff-paper box with a nested lid. I had a hard time getting it open initially, and had to shake the thing a few times to get it loose, not sure how good that is for the toy. Once the box was opened, however, I was really impressed with the contents. The iGino charges via USB, and comes with it's plug built right in, which means that you can go ahead and plug the toy into your computer to charge.

I can't stop flipping this thing open and closed, it's very... fidgety

But what if I don't have a computer? you ask. What if I have to share a lap-top with my little siblings and I'm reading this blog-posting at the library!!! (and I love you for that), never fear! The iGino One can also be charged in an outlet with the USB-to-wall adapter that comes with it. Since the iGino comes from overseas (Europe), the company has very thoughtfully included an additional adapter for American outlets.

It's a little bulky, but it works!

TL;DR?

The iGino One is a new clit-vibe that uses a patented technology called "vibraMoove" which kind of just feels like ordinary vibrations. The moving head is very small however, so it gives great pin-pointed stimulation that can get me off fairly quickly when pressed right up against my clit. Be warned: this little thing is loud. The toy is made out of non-porous plastic and can be cleaned (carefully) with antibacterial soap and water. It's USB-chargeable, but comes with everything you'll need to plug the sucker into your wall outlet (American or European).


Would I recommend the iGino One? 
Now, there's a tricky question.

Let's look at the pros and cons, shall we?

Pros: Compact size Easy to use Pin-Pointed vibrations You'd be helping out a start-up company

Cons: Really loud Vibrations are similar to other clit-vibes Expensive

On the one hand, it's not a bad little clit-vibe, but at about $100 (which is what the iGino team plans on marketing the toy for), it sure is an expensive little clit-vibe. There are plenty of cheaper toys out there, but at least this one comes with the added benefit of helping out a new company that's trying to market toys people actually want to use.

So in the end, it's your choice. If you're interested in trying out the iGino, you can pick one up over at http://i-gino.com/. To my knowledge, this toy is not currently being carried by major retailers, but who knows, that might be right around the corner!

Thank you so much to the iGino Team for sending me this toy in exchange for my honest review! Thanks guys, you really made my day!

P.S. Enjoy the rest of National Masturbation Month while you still can!


*UPDATE   6-2-13* 
I've heard from the people over at iGino that their on-line store is currently undergoing some technical difficulties. I'll let you know as soon as it's back up and you can buy an iGino again!
In the mean time, you can check them out over at twitter, or facebook.

International Mail-Call!

Welcome to the "International" edition of Mail-Call!

I've gotten some truly awesome stuff in the mail over the last week, and I'm psyched to finally be able to share it with you guys!

First up, all the way from Switzerland (a mere 4,100 miles from my humble home) is the iGino! The iGino is a clit vibe currently being crowd-funded, and one I'm psyched to get to test and review!

Looks just like an iPhone, doesn't it? ...

Then, from a little bit closer to home (at only about 3,900 miles) is La Tour est Folle all the way from, you guessed it, France! I think the picture here speaks for itself...

Guess what this one's supposed to be...

I'm so excited to get to review these toys and share my thoughts with you guys. You can keep an eye out for my review of the iGino sometime before the end of this month, and my review of la tour should be up in June!

Bonus Picture:

The people in customs probably had a good chuckle over this one :o)

I Dream of A Well Regulated Sex-Toy Industry

Before I get into the meat of this post, I wanted to present you with a little scenario to really set the mood.

Imagine this if you will:

For some time now you have been wanting to by yourself a sex toy. Dildo or vibrator  you don't care, as long as you can have some fun when you're by yourself. So you walk into your very first sex-toy shop. Immediately you are overwhelmed by the sights sounds and smells of all of the various toys on display. You don't even know where to start, there's so much to take in. But then your eye spots a small friendly-looking dildo in the corner. Its packaging proudly proclaims that it is 100% silicone. You don't know much about sex toys, but you know what 100% means, and you've heard that silicone is one of the safest toy materials you can get. You purchase your dildo and immediately take it home to enjoy.

But the next morning, you notice that something is horribly wrong. You're itching and burning in a place that no one ever wants to itch or burn. How could this have happened? You bough a safe toy, didn't you? You double-check your toy's packaging and once again see the bright pink label proclaiming 100% silicone. Unless of course, 100% silicone means different things to different people.

And that, my friends, is one of the sad truths about the sex toy industry. Most of us probably think that we know what 100% silicone means, but we would be wrong. 

100% Silicone can mean that a toy is:

• A blend of Silicone and PVC (which is porous)
• Jelly, with a little bit of silicone thrown in (also porous)
• CyberSilicone (which is a blend of silicone and rubber [porous again])
• actually 100% silicone (non-porous)

The problem is that the sex toy industry is not regulated. There is no oversight board or committee (like the FDA) to tell us as consumers when a company might not be telling the truth about its materials. If organizations weren't in place to regulate the food industry grocery shopping would be a very different experience. And unfortunately, that's the exact type of experience many of us have when trying to buy sex toys.

So what can be done? 

Enter:

A brand new non-profit organization that aims to help provide some oversight to the sex toy industry.

How exactly do they propose to do this? you ask. Good question. I'm going to go ahead a let the wonderful people over there tell you all about it:

"Dildology.org intends to provide material verification services and maintain a public database of the results, adding transparency and oversight to the industry while educating the public about the science behind pleasure products. We stand on our own, uninfluenced, and we are dedicated to protecting the health and wellbeing of the dildo-loving population at large through education (and maybe a little entertainment)."

Dildology.org is being run by three people who are very passionate about sex toys and safety. They believe that we as consumers deserve not to be lied to by companies trying to pass off materials like PVC and rubber as "100% Silicone". Unfortunately, as most of us know, sex toys can be expensive. What most of us don't know, is that material testing is also quite pricey. And since Dildology.org is committed to remaining a non-profit (which means not taking on advertisers), there are few options for raising the necessary funds.

 

That means, you guessed it, fund-raising! Dildology.org is currently taking donations to raise the money to purchase and test various toys.

How can you help? Easy, tell your friends, tell your neighbors! Go door-to-door! Help spread the good word of sex toy safety! We all deserve to know what materials are going into toys that we put into our bodies. 

Door-to-door not your thing? That's totally cool too, you can help by making a donation!

The majority of your donations will go directly to product purchase/testing (with the remainder going to donation incentives, equipment and educational materials).

Why should I donate? you might be asking. What's in it for me? Good questions. 

Well, first of all, you get the satisfaction of knowing that you helped to educate people about what materials are actually going into their sex toys. 

Also, you're helping to force the sex toy industry to be more responsible for the items they create. As it stands now, just about anyone can slap a "100% Silicone" sticker on pretty much any product they choose, and very few people are going to do anything about it. But if companies know that their toys are being independently tested and verified, they're going to think twice before blatantly lying to their consumers.

On top of those amazing (and personally satisfying) incentives, there's more!

How much more you ask? (boy, you ask a lot of questions!)

• Donate $15 and get a coupon for 15% off at SheVibe.com
• Donate $50 and get a Dildology T-Shirt!
• Donate $100 and get a spot on the (coveted) Dildology.org Donor List!
• And much, much more!

(Go to http://www.dildology.org/donations/ to check out all of the amazing donor incentives!)

So that's it, donate, spread the word, do what you can to help this amazing non-profit get going and help us all! Like I've said many times before, we're consumers in this industry, and there's a surprising amount of power in that position. We're the ones who can make change in this industry, but none of us can do it by ourselves. Dildology.org is going to make a difference to the industry, so donate and be a part of history!

Leo-Weenie!

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National Masturbation Month!

Happy National Masturbation Month! I know I'm a little bit late to the party (fashionably late, as I like to think of it), but May is, you guessed it: National Masturbation Month!
Let me say it again, because I really like the way it sounds:

National Masturbation Month!

Ah, doesn't that just sound awesome? And it really is. After all, masturbation is sex with someone you love. Okay okay, I know that's cliche. But there really are advantages to masturbating. Like what? you ask. Good question.
First of all, masturbation is the safest form of sex you can have. You're not going to catch anything, and no one's going to get knocked up.
It's also free! There are obviously more expensive options (ie toys), but almost everybody already comes with the basic equipment they'll need to get started! (your hands/fingers can really be your best friends. Especially if you live in a crowded dorm or don't want to spend money on toys.)

But you don't have to take my word for it. There are lots of more reputable (at least, more reputable than some random blogger on the internet... hi!) sources who'll totally back me up on this one.

Like:

Planned Parenthood, who advocate for masturbation as the safest form of sex out there.

And Scarleteen, where you can find lots of fabulous information about how to masturbate. Their site is primarily aimed at teens and preteens, but it's got loads of wonderful information that's great for all of us. Seriously, who couldn't use a refresher about masturbation?

Also, did you know that masturbating can help you lose weight? At least it can if you're replacing snacking with orgasming! Meet the Orgasm Diet! Started by NymphomaniacNess, some of us on twitter (like SugarCunt and others) got really into it and decided to join up.
You can participate too! It's really easy: Instead of reaching for that slice of delicious delicious cake, reach for a dildo instead, and have yourself an orgasm!* (hmm, idea for a new series of YouTube videos... Cake vs. Dildo! There can be only one!)

If you'd like to participate, check it out on twitter!

And finally, in honor of National Masturbation Month, I wanted to give a shout out to a brand new non-profit that is working hard to make sure that our orgasms are safer orgasms.

Dildology is a brand new company that will be testing the materials of different toys and products to let us as consumers know just what exactly is going into our collective vaginas. As they point out, the sex toy industry is unregulated. There's no FDA to prevent companies from masking dangerous chemicals and materials behind the banner of "100% Silicone!". Thus, Dildology was born. I'll be writing more about them soon, but I wanted to give you guys a brief intro here. Go check them out!


Okay, that's it for now, but I've got a lot more cool stuff planned for the rest of the month. I'm hoping to have 2 new reviews up, plus the most awesomest "Mail-Call" post yet. Stay tuned! I'll also be writing more about Dildology, and why we should all get behind their mission statement!

And finally, I will leave you with this:

It makes a lot of sense, doesn't it?

Why are you still reading? I'm done. Go masturbate!




*I can't actually promise that you'll lose weight this way. I'm not a doctor or even a health care professional  I'm a blogger and have no reputable credentials (haven't we been over that before?). But I can promise you that it'll be a hell of a lot more fun than most other diets out there. While all of your friends are counting calories to get in shape for bikini season you'll be having orgasm after orgasm after orgasm. I think you'll agree that that's more fun.