69 "O"s In A Row!

Okay, I'll admit that when I first picked up my copy of The Big Book of Orgasms, I went about reading it in entirely the wrong way.

Wrong, you say, how can that be?

Well you see, I'm the kind of person who feels compelled to read a book (any book) from cover to cover, starting at the beginning.

Now you might already see where this is going. Cover to cover is not always the best way to read a collection of different stories. And especially a collection such as this one, which is clearly meant to be browsed through at a leisurely pace.

You see The Big Book of Orgasms is exactly what it sounds like (except for the Big part, the book's actually perfectly compact), it's a collection of 69 short stories all featuring and focusing on the Big O. The stories cover a wide range of topics and situations. There are solos and couples and threesomes; straight, gay, bi, lesbian and everything in between. There's even a story about a girl getting freaky with a guitar amp! The authors are so creative with the different situations that they put their characters into, I have no idea how they all do it, but I admire the heck out of them.

I bet we can all figure out why there are exactly 69 stories in this collection, but one of the advantages of that is that there's something in here for almost everyone. Do you like BDSM? It's in there. An artist masturbating in public as part of a gallery show? It's in there. A gender-swaped couple? It's in there.¹ Random elevator hook-ups? They're in there!

Okay, I can tell you're waiting for me to just get to the good part already. Sure, there's variety, I can hear you saying, but is it hot?

Yes, yes it is. Or at least, a large percentage of the stories that I read are hot. Which is exactly as it should be. Like I said, there's something in this collection for almost everyone, thus conversely, there are some things in this collection that are not for everyone. Now, that's not to say that I came across any stories that were in any way offensive or out of line, not at all. But I did come across a few that were, to me at least, meh.

And that's fine! Like I said, not every story in this book is going to do it for every reader out there, that would be impossible. But out of the stories I read, I feel very comfortable saying that about 80% of them really turned me on, and that's a lot!

So in conclusion ladies, gentlemen, and people of all genders, what did I think of The Big Book of Orgasms? I freakin' loved it! This is a book that's going to stay a part of my permanent erotica collection. It's the kind of book that I'm going to (and have been) grab again and again when the mood strikes me. I'll flip around and find something new, or maybe return to a story that I've already read and loved. But whichever it'll be, I know that I'm going to enjoy this book for many orgasms to come!

Want to grab a copy of your own? You can pick up a copy of your own from Amazon.com, GoodVibes and many other fine retailers.

Thank you to Rachel Kramer Bussel (the editor of this fine work) 

for sending me my copy in exchange for my honest review! 

Thanks again to Rachel and Cleis Press!

^{1. In case you're curious, the story in question is "Remote Control" by Logan Zachary, and it's my favorite.↩}

Brand 'Spanking' New Plunge Paddle!

Okay, so a little while ago I was innocently browsing twitter, when I saw this:

Plunge & Spank! The new Plunge Paddle by @Tantus is here! http://t.co/a11pciaGU8 pic.twitter.com/QWOtRkVOYm
— SheVibe.com (@shevibe) November 19, 2013

I was... intrigued. So I responded thusly:

@shevibe @tantus Now there's an interesting concept!
— SeptimusReviews (@SeptimusReviews) November 19, 2013

The next thing I knew, SheVibe was asking me if I wanted a Plunge Paddle of my very own to review! How could I possibly say no? (hint: I couldn't) And before I knew it, I had a Plunge Paddle in my hands to use & review! So, let's get to it, shall we?

The brand-spanking new Tantus Plunge Paddle!

The Plunge Paddle by Tantus is a brand new silicone paddle with one very interesting feature... (can you guess what it is?) *pause for dramatic effect*  you can fuck it! *blank stares* Okay, I'll explain. The handle of the plunge paddle is actually a fully insertable dildo, that you can use just like you would use any other dildo...

The aforementioned tag

As soon as we took it out of the box we were chasing each other around the apartment, smacking each other's asses and laughing like fools. Well actually, that's not quite true. As soon as we took the paddle out of its box we noticed a very odd smell. It wasn't very strong, just sort of unpleasant. I contacted Jenna over at Tantus and was told that the smell was actually coming from the little plastic tag that came attached to the toy. We quickly cut it off and washed the paddle, and then the smell went away fairly soon after that.


Immediately after that, we ran around the apartment smacking each other like crazy people. Okay, so maybe I should mention the fact that I've never actually used a paddle before (I've also never had one used on me before). My husband and I have always been into some very light BDSM (hand-spanking, light rope play etc), but we've never actually invested in any real equipment. Which is why I jumped (quite literally) at the chance to try out an actual real paddle!

One of the very first things I noticed about the paddle is how... wiggly it is! I guess I was expecting something very solid, so I was surprised to see just how much the flat end of the paddle can move. But it makes sense, that mobility provides for a good solid smack! Take a look:

Wiggly, isn't it? (My husband wanted to do a full analysis of its mechanical properties, but he seems to have forgotten everything he learned about wave dynamics...) And like I said, that wiggle translates into a very satisfying smack on whichever body part you choose.¹ Personally, I've found that I love being bent over the bed and smacked right on the ass with this bad boy, and luckily my husband seems to love smacking me. There's a nice loud 'thwack!' every time, and it leaves a very pleasant sting behind on my behind.

One of the things that I really love about this paddle is that it works well for people with different levels of spanking experience. If, like me, you're new to BDSM or just simply don't like a lot of pain (also like me), then this paddle will work wonders for you! With a little practice² you (or your partner) can really control just how hard the paddle is going to come down, making for a wide variety in the sensation level. So conversely, if you're into a little more hard-core level of sensation, you can get there with this paddle.

The dildo end of the Plunge Paddle

But this isn't just an instrument of pain, it's meant to deliver pleasure as well. At least, it's meant to... The handle end of the paddle is a dildo, used for dildo-ing purposes. In theory, I love this feature. In practice uh, not so much. I'm going to be honest here, I've only used the handle part of the toy a few times. And it's not because holding onto the paddle in order to fuck yourself is awkward (though it kind of is), it's because of that hole...

Ugh, that hole...

Do you see it? Right there in the "head" of the dildo-end? It's where the tag was attached when we got the toy, but other than that, I really have no clue as to why there's a big old hole in the end of my dildo. Now, the walls of my vag aren't normally super-sensitive. I mean, I like some nice texture about as much as the next gal, but I'm not usually bothered be seems on toys or anything like that. But this silly little hole... UGH! I can't get over it. Not only can I feel it with every single thrust, it hurts! It's super uncomfortable. The first time I tried it, I had to tell my husband to stop after only a few moments, I just couldn't get myself to enjoy it.


Now I'm fully prepared to admit that this might just be me. You might get the Plunge Paddle and absolutely love getting fucked with it! Good for you, go for it! It's just not for me. Which is a shame, because the shape and length of the dildo end really look wonderful, and I really wish that I could love it as much as I want to. Luckily, the odd hole has zero impact on what an awesome spanking implement this is. So while I can't enjoy this paddle's every intended use, I can still love it for the amazing paddle that it is. Since the entire thing is "Ultra-Premium" silicone, it can of course be boiled to sterilize. As for keeping lint (and/or cat hair) off of it... heh heh, good luck!


If you'd like a Plunge Paddle of your very own, may I recommend SheVibe?

Thank you again to SheVibe, for sending me the Plunge Paddle in exchange for my honest review! Love you guys! :o)

<sup>1. For some odd reason, I actually really love being lightly smacked on the back with the paddle. It's like a massage. :o)
2. Practice makes perfect!</sup>

Beware the Kraken!

You're sitting alone in your apartment, maybe watching some TV, maybe reading a book. Suddenly you think you can hear some music, seeming to come from nowhere, and every where at the same time. You look up. "Hello?" you call out, "is anybody there?" The music is getting louder, it almost sounds like... no, it couldn't be... could it? Your heart starts to race, the music is getting louder and louder, and now you're absolutely certain that yes, it is the theme from Jaws.

Out of the corner of your eye you can see something cresting in the water (which is weird because there isn't usually an ocean in your apartment). Just as you open your mouth the scream it surfaces and you see that it's... a tentacle?

But not just any tentacle, a WhipSpider Rubberworks Tentacle!

This tentacle is easily one of the most beautiful toys that I own. The craftsmanship is exquisite, and it's very obvious that the folks over at Whipspider Rubberwoks take a lot of pride in their toys.

I've had my eye on this tentacle pretty much since I started getting involved with sex toys. I'll admit that at first I found it strange and bizarre, and I still think that both of those adjectives apply. But now, those are my adjectives, I love strange and bizarre. After seeing countless "life-like" dildos, it's always nice to see something a little bit different. And it doesn't get much more different than a tentacle now does it?

Now I know that tentacles might not be your thing, but hear me out, okay? Because this isn't just a work of art (though it certainly is that), it's also a highly functional dildo which can bring you endless oceans of pleasure (see what I did there?).

The tentacle is just about 6.5" if you measure from the base to the tip, but as you can see in the picture, it had a wicked curve (the better to hit your G-spot with) to it, so overall the length is more like 7-7.5" depending on how stretched out it is.

The girth also varies from about 3.25" in circumference at the tentacle's very tip to about 7" right before the flared base (the base is shaped like an oval, 2" x 3" in diameter). I know, that seems like a lot, and it is. If you're not into girthy toys, then this probably isn't the tentacle for you.¹

Like all Whipspider Rubberworks toys, the tentacle is made of 100% soft squishy (lint-loving) silicone. It's completely non-porus, and can safely be shared once it's been sterilized. (I recommend boiling it, and then standing over the pot and saying "mmm, calamari!")

But enough about specs, you guys probably want to know how this monster (sea-monster?) feels! Well, it feels a-mazing! See all of those little suction cups in the photo? They provides the walls of my vag with some much loved stimulation. If you're a fan of different and unique textures, you'll love this one! I can almost feel every single one of those cups when I'm getting fucked with the tentacle.
Speaking of fucking, because the toy is curved I sometimes have to sort of... twist the thing to get it in. And while that can be a little tiring for my wrists, it's soooo worth it! I end up reduced to a puddle of goo at the hands of the tentacle's twisty-textury-G-spotty goodness.

Sounds pretty good so far right? And I haven't even gotten to my favorite part yet.... Are you ready for it? Ready...? The tentacle GLOWS IN THE DARK! And when I say it glows, it GLOWS! It took me a bazillion tries to get a decent picture, but I had to let you guys see for yourselves just how awesome this thing looks:

Amazing huh? When I first got it, I literally couldn't stop staring. I mean, the colors of the tentacle are stunning to begin with, but then you take it in the dark and... Guh! Can't stop staring!

Okay... TL:DR, I love this toy! I love the shape, the color and the texture. I love that it glows in the dark, and I love that it's a freakin' tentacle (but I'm weird like that). I love that this is a toy that exists, and that I can own.

Are you sold yet? You can get one of your own direct from Whipspider Rubberworks for $79.99 (plus shipping, I'm assuming). Or check out all of the other cool/odd/awesome stuff they have. Want a butt-plug shaped like one of the Easter Island heads? They've got you covered.

Happy tentacle-ing!




P.S. For those of you who are wondering, yes, I have been listening to a lot of 'Welcome to Night Vale' lately, how could you tell?

^{1. Whipspider Rubberworks does make a more slender version of the tentacle, called (appropriately enough) the Slender Tentacle. According to their web-site, the base of that tentacle is only about 2.25" in diameter. ↩}

100 Followers!

I said that I would post something very silly on the blog if I got 100 followers on twitter. You guys came through on your end, so here you go:

100 followers, thank you all so much! You make my day! :o)

I read The Feminist Porn Book (and you should too!)

I firmly believe that there is nothing that you can't get through Inter-Library Loan. 

Case in point, I'd been trying to get my hands on a copy of Tristan Taormino's The Feminist Porn Book  since I'd first heard about it back in February or so.

Isn't it lovely?

I didn't think I needed to own a copy of the book, and I none of my friends had a copy that I could borrow, so I was kind of stuck. Then, in March I started working for my library and immediately requested the book from one our participating libraries. It took quite a while (you can't Inter-Library Loan a book that's less than 6 months old), but finally, finally it was all mine to do with as I pleased.
So what did I do? I grabbed my folding chair, sat out on my porch and got to reading. A few days later, I emerged from my reading cocoon a beautiful, enlightened butterfly.

The Feminist Porn Book is almost exactly what it sounds like. What it sounds like is a book of porn (which would be cool), what it is is about a book about porn. Specifically, feminist perspectives on pornography. The book is composed of essays by people with all sorts of ties to the industry. From writers and directors to performers and even academics who make a career of the industry (a degree in pornography studies makes going back to grad school sound almost tempting).

The essays are (for the most part) smartly written and very well put together. They offer a number of different perspectives both on what it means to be a feminist and how pornography can actually be feminist (spoiler alert: it certainly can be!).

Many of the essayists suggest that there is more than one way for a work to be considered feminist. Here’s a list:

·         A film can be a feminist work if woman (and female identifying people) are involved in any of the various aspects of its production.

·         A film can be a feminist work if it features performers of color. Or gay, lesbian, queer and transgendered performers (and writers, directors and producers too!). Basically, feminist porn should be all-inclusive.

·         Another standard that a production has to meet to be considered feminist is to treat it’s workers and performers like people, provide them food and facilities and pay them fairly. Performers should never be tricked or coerced into performing

So, how can a producer ensure that his/her film will be considered feminist? Have woman involved in the production, not just the performance. Have people involved who aren’t just straight and white, and just treat their performers like human beings. Surprisingly simple.¹

The book also introduces its readers to the concept of the "Porn Wars", which were apparently many battles fought on both sides by feminists with radically different views on pornography. One camp felt strongly that porn could only ever be exploitative towards woman, and the other felt that porn could be liberating and empowering.



Yes, this book is an academic work (there are more than a few essays by prominent academics in the field), but it's also a very interesting work, and not at all dry. If you're interested in picking up a copy of your own (and I encourage you to do so; whichever side of the "Porn Wars" you fall on, it's an interesting read), you can do so at amazon.com, and don't worry, you can get the book in kindle format if you're not super-comfortable reading a bright red book with the word "PORN" in bold lettering…



^{1.This works in mainstream cinema as well, by having films pass the Bechdel Test↩}